I had such high hopes for this post, but it has been ruined by anonymous bastards, similar to the comments sections of any semi-popular blog (i.e. not this one).
As I packed the family into the car on Fourth of July afternoon, the wife mentions to me about a house on 99th Terrance in Lenexa apparently having the word “sodomy” posted in blue painter’s tape in the windows of the garage. She says this after I just turn off of 99th Street to go pick-up some Chick-fil-A before heading to the park. So I made an adjustment to the plan to get Chick-fil-A, check out some sodomy and then go to the park…because nothing takes the edge off of some sodomy like buttery, fried chicken and pickles.
So we make the short drive back and sure as day, there is a nappy looking house with “sodomy” taped across the garage accompanied with a picture of a woman. At first glance, it’s pretty creepy, so we head on to the park. Strangely enough, a car turned on the street right behind me and slowed as it passed the house. As the day goes on, I really feel the need to go back and take pictures of the place to do a post. This is my neighborhood after all, I need to stay abreast to all of the oral/anal copulation human interest stories. Meanwhile, the story is in the paper, on the news websites and even YouTube.
I didn’t make it back on Friday. I thought about it on Saturday but was too busy. By the time Sunday rolls around, the creepiness factor set in. I imagine going to the house and having the occupant see me out there…stalking me like prey for his next painter’s tape masterpiece. Or better yet, go home and blow up the photos to see a corpse, Ghostbusters 2 style. Happy Sabbath thoughts.
Today, I gave into my curiousity and the wife’s demands to go for a walk. I told her we could go for a stroll and casually snap some quick photos. Something in my head told me that with all of the publicity, my effort would be too late. Sure enough, someone covered up the garage windows. Vandalizing bastards. The post just wouldn’t be the same without my guerrilla-like photo spread. Thanks to the local newsies, you can see the before and after shots. I didn’t feel like taking my own after shot…there’s just not that much compelling about shit smeered on windows. Who still has garage doors with windows anyway? Apparently a d-bag whose wife leaves him for some off-site oral/anal copulation.
For those not in the know or you sloppy Canucks still tipsy off all of your Canada Day Labatt Blues, tomorrow is the true American holiday. It is a moment where citizens of every state can come together to blow shit up and eat copious amounts of meat. You can even combine the two into the true American dream…
Are you hard yet?
The best part about the Fourth of July (aside from it being a three week reminder to shop for my birthday) is that it always hosts the greatest and last remaining bastion of sports purity left on this earth…Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. It’s a gathering of men and women from around the country who have shown an amazing prowess for sliding encased meats down their gullets.
Are you hard yet?
Gothamist, however, is reporting that international terrorist Kobayashi is being allowed to compete on a sponser’s exemption even though he did not qualify at any of the regional events. They’re letting this monster from a foreign land into the most sacred of American events despite his blatent disregard for the sport’s rules. It disgusts me almost to the point where I don’t want to watch grown men shove sixty-six hot dogs and buns dipped in water in their mouth as remnants squish and shoot out all around them. But I will. And I encourage all of you to sport your Joey Chestnut jersey bibs tomorrow as a true American hero as he attempts to slay the Godzilla of deep throating sausage once again.
Meesha at KC with the Russian Accent has been running a series of caption contests for fabulous prizes, such as a 2 month subscription to Power Bottom Weekly. But the only thing tighter than my cornhole near Meesha is the grip on my pocketbook, so don’t expect any rewards. You can do a guest post of you want, this place could use an ounce of talent for once.
So back to the photo and a little backstory. It was taken in the Russian city of Inozemtsevo. And yes, that is a bunch of cherubs holding an enema bulb. Story here.
As the D pointed out in the previous post, one of the reasons I rushed out the heart-rate system was due to a new discovery yesterday. Shea twittered out a link to Serious Eats and a post featuring Chicken-Fried Bacon.
Only in Texas would it occur to someone to serve bacon fried in chicken batter as an appetizer. This takes place at a restaurant where you order your steak by the pound rather than the ounce. If you have ever in your life eaten a steak weighing over a pound, remind me to go nowhere near your toilet. Did I forget to mention it comes with a side of creamy gravy for dipping? Maybe you should just watch the video…
I really enjoy two things in the video. First, the guy eating these things while smoking is just awesome. Two, how in the hell does someone pick-up a deep fried piece of bacon, dip it in gravy and come up with the idea that it needs more salt? “Excuse me waitress, I ordered the heart attack with extra death. This is a mild stroke at best.”
While I’m a fan of bacon as a breakfest item and on BLT’s, bacon as a main ingredient just doesn’t do much for me. Add a side of gravy, and you’ve lost me. Maybe I’m just not white trashy enough to find this delicious. Would I try it? Of course. Would I enjoy it? Not so sure. That’s why my heart is going to stay in fairly stable condition as I give chicken-fried bacon a single chamber.
