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I was less than excited coming into this weigh-in.  This week had the perfect combination of gluttony and fear that had me hoping to stay even with last week.  Monday was an evening of heavy drinking, barbecue ribs & sausage, and tortilla chips dipped in cobbler.  Tuesday brought a mild hangover, my first skipping of a boot camp, and a couple hours of hoping someone wasn’t going to tap my shoulder and offer an extended vacation.  Thankfully, the tap I finally received was one of reassurance, and Wednesday and Thursday were back to the boot camp grind.  Those were also unfortunately paired with trips to Burrito Bros, Sonic and Panda Express…the string bean chicken is fairly tasty.

Going into this morning’s weigh-in, the plan was to shower, dump, weigh.  When you spend four years of your life competing in a sport that revolves around being in a certain weight range, you pick up habits like feeling the need to take a crap prior to stepping on a scale.  So I take my shower and get to the point that I’m fastening my jeans before I realize I still need to weigh.  Grab my clothes, go downstairs, start weighing myself…damnit, I forgot to crap.  Whatever, I let the Wii Fit do it’s thing and am shocked by the results.  I proceed to drop the Wiimote, do my thang in the bathroom, and come back for round two.  The result?  A one-pound loss.  Never underestimate the pre-weigh-in dump, my friends.

Two weeks have now been completed in this adventure.  I’m trying to think of the best way to post the weights, and I think I’ll do something along the lines of comparing week to week and putting overall in parentheses.  Considering where my mind was going into this morning, I fucking crushed it.

Previous Week: 324.25 lbs (329.5)
Current Week: 317 lbs
Difference: -7.25 lbs (-12.5)

It’s easy to get overwhelmed the first week you decide to really start examining the harm you’ve done to your body over 30 years.  The lack of exercise part really jumps out at you when you start a boot camp program and labor to get out of a chair due to soreness.  I’m amazed at how it has gotten better just in the four short days I’ve been going, but I live in fear for how I will feel next Monday after three days of rest.  Eventually, I’ll work out some during these other three days as well, but after multiple days of having to hope I dropped my body properly aligned on the toilet, I have earned a small break.

Monday morning I also started an attempt to count calories, which was horrific.  I’ve lived my life with an attitude that I can just eat whatever I want.  After my early findings, I’m amazed I’m not dead.  There’s a Panda Express near our office that we visit with some frequency.  I have no delusion that this food is good for me in any way, but I felt good that most of the stuff I get is on their “Wok Smart” menu…except for Beijing Beef.  Looking at their nutritional info, a 5oz serving…one spoon…of Beijing Beef is 850 calories.  That is like eating a Chipotle burrito with a side of noodles and another entree.  It’s over twice the caloric value of most every other item on their menu, and I could have been avoiding it had I just took a moment to pull my head out of my ass.

Now, I have no dreams of being a skinny man.  I still want to go to Chipotle.  I am still going to drink beer.  But there is easily a better life I could be living in between skinny and 300lbs.  Let’s be honest here, I’m not trying to impress anyone.  I just want my moobs to look smaller in a polo shirt and to be able to run around with my kids.

So here we are, week one in the books.  On Sunday, August 8, I weighed in at a bubbly 329.5 lbs.  This morning, I hit the scale and came out at 324.25.  That’s a 5lb drop.  I’m not sure how a feel about it, but it’s nice.  Most of yesterday was filled with thoughts of, “I’ll probably only be down 1lb and feel like a dip shit.”  In reality, any loss is a gain towards my goals.

2010 has been a year filled with crappy situations I have no control over.  My stress is no doubt at an all time high, noted by my ability to finish lap #2 at the Flying Saucer in one-third of the time it took for lap #1.

You know who doesn’t need a spike in stress? Men weighing 330lbs.  I’ve been sitting at that weight for a while, and the only reason I know that is because I weigh myself thinking “today is the day I start taking better control of my life,” and I don’t.  Frankly, I have to start now because the Wii Fit won’t register anything over 330.

Since I have no idea when the stress is going away, some of my ass is going to have to leave.  My office has recently made a gym available to us, along with some trainers that are instructing “boot camp” classes.  I had my first week of boot camp this week, doing two sessions that keep me going Monday through Thursday, this leaves Friday morning as my natural weigh-in day.  So starting tomorrow, Fatty Fridays will be rolling out, since there is no better motivation than public humiliation.